I have been practicing being in alignment with my inner being lately. What I have realized is that the more attention I give to myself, the more I have no time to worry about what anyone else is doing. This is actually a feeling of great freedom. It may seem selfish, and for sure it is, but this is how I came to the deeper understanding of what being true to yourself really means. The trick is, you really have to mean it and practice it until it becomes a natural way of life.
What some might not understand is that by being true to yourself first and foremost, you can be of much more benefit to yourself as well as others. It’s like the flight attendant on the airplane says to you,” Put on your oxygen mask before you help anyone else.” That’s because if you pass out while trying to help others no one will be saved.
When I finally decided that, you be you, and I’ll be me, I realized that I was actually allowing myself to be who I wanted to be without the worry of what anyone else was thinking of me. It’s like the fortune cookie I got once said, “Dance like no one is watching”. And now I can recognize those others that feel the same way. In fact, I feel that I am attracting them like a magnet. I love that it doesn’t matter to me what anyone else is doing in their lives. We are all in our own little world and life is supposed to be fun. Of course we can make our world any size we want to, it doesn’t have to be little.
Now that I have given myself permission to live the way I want to, time seems to be moving at just the right pace. I have plenty of time to do all the things I want to and it seems like everything schedules itself perfectly so that I just follow the lead to where the best stuff is. I know now that it is not my job to make anyone else happy. My only concern is how I feel. When I keep myself happy I am not infringing on any one and in fact I am bringing a bit of joy to everyone I encounter. But of course it is everyone else’s responsibly to keep their selves in a joyous state.
If everyone would take care and pay attention to their own feelings the world would be a much happier place. I know a couple that were very happy together, but eventually they started growing apart. One of them was feeling very uncertain about where things were going and wanted to break it off. The other one was devastated of course but there was nothing more to discuss. It was over. But during the next 8 months they both started really getting to know their selves again. They realized that they were both up each other’s butts all the time and really lost who they once were. When they finally did work things out they realized that they had different interests than each other and that it was okay. In fact, it was more than okay, it was liberating. They realized that loving each other was enough and that living in each moment was so much easier than trying to look too far into the future. They even stopped complaining to each other about stuff that really didn’t matter. They found that it was much easier to communicate in a positive way, which takes the stress out of the equation and lets the good stuff flow in.
You can’t help but be who you are. I have a friend that grew up in a time when being gay was very taboo. He played the role of straight man for quite a while. He dated girls in school and eventually married and had 4 children. But after 10 years of marriage he finally broke and decided to come out of the closet, as they say, and all hell broke loose. His parents were disappointed to say the least and his wife was appalled. His kids were scared and confused and friends didn’t know what to think. Naturally things settled down and eventually it seemed normal when he finally got to be who he really was.
I actually fell in love with a man that is not yet ready for what I have to offer. He may never be ready. Like I said I can’t worry about what anyone else is doing or not doing. After going through all the whys and what fors, and trying to stop seeing him, I again gave myself permission to love him no matter what. I realized that he has lived a very different life than I have and that he is working on his own self. As much as I tried not to love him so deeply I had no choice. My heart knows what it wants. We still see each other from time to time but instead of worrying about how much I don’t see him, I thoroughly enjoy our time together. I know he loves me too but I also know that when you try to force things to happen the way you want them to, things get mighty ugly. So someday we may become a couple but for now we are very good friends and you can’t get enough of those.
So if you haven’t gotten the gist of what this blog is all about, it’s like this, just keep your nose out of everyone else’s business and care exponentially about your own feelings. Keep yourself on as happy a thought as you can in each moment of the day. At first it may feel strange to you but that is because you have been so used to complaining about things you have no control over. It’s time to start thinking about what you do want, not about what you don’t want. And when you have a dream or desire to be, do or have anything, be nice to yourself and let yourself have it. And stop beating up on yourself when you think something has gone wrong. You can’t get it wrong and you’ll never get it done. If you’re doing it right, life will just keep getting better and better and you will never run out of things to want. Like I said, life is supposed to be fun so get out there and find it. It just takes practice, so what else have you got to do?
Now that you know what to do, I hope you start doing it. Like right now! No one else can do it for you. Give yourself permission to feel good and you’ll see your world change right before your very eyes. There is great love here for you. And your inner being will always be with you, loving you, assisting you, having fun with you, showing you, knowing you, guiding you, and the list goes on and on. Follow your bliss and you won’t go wrong.
With all my love, Deb Mertan
To learn more about a Positively Powerful life see my book