That Sneaky Doubt

Whiplash

 

I know that it is easier said than done when someone is constantly telling you to think positive. What about all the negative things that go on every day in our lives? We grow up watching our parents worry over money or some other out of control situation, but really it’s normal for things to be this way. This is where positive thinking comes in. It is our reactions to these situations that makes the difference. Think about it, what good does it do to worry or stress out about anything. In fact you are actually doing more harm than good when you react in this manner. Maybe some parents handled things with an attitude of fear and hopelessness which in turn would rub off on the children. But the ones that handled it with, “Oh, this is just another challenge to deal with”, attitude, taught the children that any situation can have a silver lining. Unfortunately more parents were doom and gloom type folks so it is hard for a lot of people to see the forest for the trees.

I happened to come from a doom and gloom family. My father was a big time gambler and my mother was struck with a debilitating disease and died when I was in my early twenties. There are 5 siblings so the fighting was never ending and I couldn’t wait to move out on my own to finally get some peace and quiet. When I finally did move out it gave me the calmness I needed to work on myself and find my true path in this life. I read books, learned to meditate and even joined a gym to get myself balanced in all directions. Things seemed to be going well for me in all aspects of life except in the love arena. It seemed that I was always finding guys that didn’t want to fully commit to me. I felt it was because I was ahead of my time and I just needed to find someone that could understand me. I actually did get married in my early thirties, but only because I wanted children and I happened to find someone that wanted children too. I had been running my own business for about ten years at that time, and was quite successful at it so I knew that even if it didn’t work out with this guy I could take care of myself and a child, so I went for it. We married and settled into a dull routine, and I stayed for twenty years. But one day I woke up and said, “I can’t do this anymore”. By now I was in my early fifties and I didn’t want to waste any more of what was left of my youth. I still felt young and energetic and I wanted to explore life to the fullest, so I left my husband. This was at a time when the recession hit hard and I was barely making any money. I ended up in a one bathroom, three bedroom house with eight other people besides me. This was a challenge but somehow we made it work. I had two teenage children now and things got so tight that I was feeling very low and out of sorts. We were there for a year and a half before I got a call that my husband had died. It was quite a shock, but it was also a blessing in disguise. Because we were still married I got his pension and Social Security. This gave me enough money for my two kids and me to move out on our own. We were all very happy about that because it was a chance for a fresh start. We found a four bedroom house which gave me an extra room to rent out to a boarder, which in turn gave me a little more money to keep my house hold going for quite some time.

The recession was still in effect but we were doing alright for a while. Then part of the Social Security ran out and they were only giving me money for my son. I was still struggling with my business and I felt my faith fading. Not only that but my tenant moved out suddenly and that left another hole in my income. Needless to say my doom and gloom was taking over and I felt hopeless. Then when my son turned eighteen and they stopped his Social Security, and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I was sinking into a deep depression and I didn’t know what I was going to do.

That wasn’t the worst part, now I was being evicted from the house after two years and I didn’t know if anyone else would rent to me with that on my record. I decided to do something drastic. If I was going to turn this mess around I had to feel myself with hope and faith. I began by looking up ways to lift my spirits no matter what was going on around me. I read mantras, quotes and stories of people that had been down and lifted their selves back up. I learned little tricks, like making a list of ten things I loved about myself and reading it every day before I left the house. I would smile at myself in the mirror and say, “I love you” to my reflection. Almost instantly I found myself in a better frame of mind, it took a couple of days to really get the ball rolling, but it was rolling. At first I started noticing little things changing. Like people being extra nice to me and most of them were strangers. Then my landlord called and said he knew I was having trouble with money so he wanted to give me a month’s free rent. I was astounded. Unfortunately I was so far behind in everything that the free rent was just a minor fix, but it was the beginning of my new understanding of positive thinking. As long as I kept this up things could only get better. I made it a rule in my home that there would be no more doom and gloom and we were to all help support each other whenever one of us felt that way.

Well I fell behind in the rent again and the landlord was forced to try the eviction once again. But this time I wasn’t scared and I calmly sat down to think about my options. My daughter was old enough now that she could get us a place to live in her name if it came down to it, and that’s when the miracles really started to happen. All of a sudden my phone rang and it was a friend of mine that owned a rental property. She said that her tenants just gave notice that they were moving and she wanted to know if I wanted to rent her place. Well of course I said yes. By the time my court date came I was ready with a plan of action to get everything in order to go the way I wanted it to, and it did. I did not waver in my quest to get things on the right track and lo and behold everything went according to plan.

Well it has been a couple of years now since all that went down and I have to say that life just keeps getting better and better. Oh sure I have to keep reminding myself to think positive, especially when something goes awry and I start feeling that sneaky doubt try to works its way into my mind, and it will try. That is where remembering to remember that I am in control of me, not the world around me, I am in my own world, just like everyone else is in their own world. I choose to be happy and to believe that anything is possible. I have seen it with my own two eyes and I will never waver ever again no matter how events unfold in my life. In fact I have given my past life new meaning so that I can see the positive that came out of it, like if this didn’t happen then that couldn’t have happened. And the future is unknown so I can make it anything I want it to be. I let my life unfold a little at a time so that I don’t get over anxious and worried. It does no good to feel these ugly feelings when you could just choose to feel good all the time.

So when you choose to be happy and that sneaky doubt comes knocking on your door, just say, “No thank you!” and move on to the next happy thought. Just so you know I have written a whole workbook on how to get to this place in your life, it’s called, “Choose a Powerfully Positive Life”. You can find me on the Amazon Kindle. I hope this story has given you hope that life can be exactly what you want it to be, because it can!  So, until next time…

With all my Love, Deb Mertan

See my “Choose a Powerfully Positive Life” workbook

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s