You’re Never Alone

   I’ve always believed that there was something or someone that watches over me. I don’t know when or how I came to this conclusion, but I just felt it. Then when I was married and had my second child I remember we were going through some sort of recession. I was very stressed out all the time. I felt like I was all alone in this turmoil. My husband was sick and I was the main bread winner. We were falling behind in everything including the house payment. But one day while giving my daughter a bath I was sitting on the edge of the tub and I could see a man in the mirror. As I turned my head very slowly I could see him backing away from the doorway. And when I finally got to that point I could only see his foot sliding back. I ran out to the living room to ask my husband if he had been in the hall, but I could hear him talking to his mother the whole time. So I knew it wasn’t him. But I wasn’t scared of whomever it was. In fact, I felt that even without words this person was telling me that everything was going to be okay. I felt a sort of relief come over me and I realized that this was a spirit watching over me and my whole family.

   Recently, I have taken on the task of caregiver for a very dear friend of mine. She is 94 years old and has become bedridden. She has always been very healthy and outgoing until a few months ago. And because of a bout with pneumonia and sepsis she has severely declined. And since she wasn’t getting any better at the rehab hospital I asked if I could move into her house with her and take care of her until she decides it’s time to go. This whole experience has been very endearing and also eye opening to see how the human spirit goes through the transition of re-emerging into non-physical. As you see we never die, we just transition into another realm. You don’t have to believe me, but I believe me and that’s all that matters. So far it’s been about 6 weeks now and I have seen her have full on conversations with someone or someones that I can’t see, but they are legible conversations. I asked who she was talking to and she said it was her mom and dad. Then she went back to her conversation and she even said “Alright daddy” when she was answering questions. I think she is really talking to him. Another time she woke up saying she hated cigarette smoke. No one was smoking but I could tell she really smelled it. Her father was a smoker too.

   One thing that really surprises me about all this is that I am not freaked out by any of it. I have studied about life after death a little and as this process proceeds I am learning a lot more.

   Sometimes she sleeps for hours and hours. Other times she’s very talkative. She has been telling me stories about her whole entire life and she says she has no regrets. I feel that this is part of the process. We all need to know that we have been good people. I think she really knows that now. I can tell her all day long that I think she has been good but she has to know it for herself. And then there are the times when she looks totally terrified and she looks me right in the eye and says, “I’m dying aren’t I?” The last time she asked me that I just said probably. It’s no use to lie to her. She knows how she feels. Who am I to tell her no? I can’t say when she will pass but I have no doubt that she is on her way home. That’s another thing she says a lot, that she wants to go home. When I say you are home she says she knows but she wants to go home. I can only assume that she means her heavenly home. At least I hope that’s what she means.

   Every time the nurses come from hospice I ask questions about why she does some of these things. They gave me a booklet about what happens in the months, weeks, days and minutes before someone transitions. It really helped me understand the process.

   In truth, I have no idea how much longer she’ll be here. But I do know that no matter how long it takes I will be here with her. And I feel that my belief about spiritual beings always being around to help guide us, in any endeavor we choose to partake in, even death (transition) is right.

   So until next time remember that you are never alone and that there is always great love here for you.

                                                                   Love,

                                                                         Deb Mertan

My published writings

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