For the last month I have been living with my dear friend Iris. I met her only 2 years after my own mother had passed away, and that was nearly 40 years ago. We became quick friends, and over these many years I have become not only her friend but also a sort of caretaker. I would take her to doctor’s appointments and hair and nail appointments and grocery shopping just to name a few things. We also spent her birthdays together. I would ask her what she wanted to do and then we would go do it. She is 30 years older than me but in friendship age doesn’t matter. People used to ask her if I was her daughter, and at first she would try to explain that we were just friends. But after a while she would just say, “Yes she is.” I felt as if she was a mother to me as well. We just got along so well that it felt natural.
But these days my friend is not doing so well. Before a month ago she spent a couple of months in the hospital suffering from pneumonia and sepsis. Then she went to a rehab facility to try and get her up and walking again. But she was very weak and not responding to the rehabilitation treatments. So they told her that she had to be moved to another place. At that point all 4 of her children started looking for a new facility to put her in. But because of Covid no one would be able to visit her. As I don’t have anybody that needs my attention and my house is taken care of by my adult children, I offered to move into her home and take care of her myself. Of course I still work so a CNA would need to come in from 8am to 2pm Monday through Friday. I called her daughter to make sure this would be okay with all of them and they agreed. We got her on hospice so now anyone who wants to can come visit her.
Now, this is a woman that has never been sick a day in her life. So you can imagine how horrible it is to see her like this. As the month has gone on she has become weaker and more disoriented. She talks about being scared but she won’t say why. The only conclusion I can come up with is that she is scared to pass on. You would think that with all the years she has gone to church and learned about God and Heaven that this would not be a problem. We have had several conversations about what heaven is like and how there are so many people there waiting for her. And she keeps asking, how do I get there? I don’t really know how to answer that question so I just keep telling her how beautiful it is there, and how she’ll feel well again, and she’ll be young again. She just looks at me in a confused state. Some times when she’s sleeping she has conversations with someone. Of course I can’t see who it is that she’s talking to, but it sounds like someone telling her that it is okay to come to Heaven.
It is very interesting to watch this process. I know that eventually she will let go and pass on, but maybe she still has desires that she has not accomplished yet. Of course she is bed ridded and she can’t do anything on her own, but mentally she is still alert a lot of the time. Maybe she has messages to pass on to those of us who love her. I don’t know what’s holding her back but I know she will never get out of that bed. Abraham Hicks says that once we stop our desires we will re-emerge into non-physical. I believe that. I have always believed that there is a spiritual world and that we are all going to go there someday. I hope that I can help her to know that too. And from listening to her conversations with the spiritual world I think they are trying to help her on her journey to that special place we all know as Heaven. So until the day that she decides to let go and let God and the Angels guide her home, I will be by her side. I will do everything in my power to make her as comfortable as possible. I will just continue to love her for now and beyond. And I thank all the non-physical beings that are helping to guide her as well. And for now I will continue to be here.
With all my Love,
Deb Mertan
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